See Hear Speak No Evil

I’d like to take this opportunity to post the last post of NaMoPoBlo… or whatever it is. You see, or read, that I have ridden on the coattails of my fellow blog authors this month (as most months) and let them do all the work while I sat back and enjoyed the ride. ***edit- as it turns out, I missed the boat on this one. Jess got in under the gun and stole my thunder, or something. But since I’m too lazy to delete the introduction, I’m just editing it here so you all can see me for what I really am.***

I’m good like that. If you ever met me, I’d be more than happy to show you how easy it is to heap praise on those close to you and then let them do the work.

But, that’s not the point I wanted to make in this post. I do LOVE Jess and Bridge and would have been lost more times than I can count (especially in Paris… why don’t they speak English?) but this post is about me. ME, ME, ME!!!

Since the infamous tennis game in which I suffered an injury that defies all logic for anyone who has ever played tennis before. (Yes, I said I tore ligaments playing tennis. I’m a klutz. What of it?) I have put on a small amount of weight but an amount that is enough to make ye old pants a bit tight. I came to the conclusion that tight pants suck. Two ways I could deal with this large little problem: 1) purchase all new pants in a bigger and better size! or 2) lose some fucking weight.

By the luck of the draw, option 2 was behind the door I chose. What shit. I’d LOVE a new wardrobe. Except that I’d REALLY hate shopping for it. So, there’s that.

Good thing more luck was headed my way. A friend of a friend just opened a gym (SWSI) and was running a Holiday Fitness Challenge. The basic premise of the HFC is that there was an assessment at the beginning of the thing (you know, how fast can you run a mile, how many push-ups can you do, how long can you hold plank w/one or another extremity in the air…) and then there’s an assessment @ the end of the HFC.

The meat of the HFC is Adventure Fitness classes. (I really tried to find some pictures showing people doing similar stuff but Google Images failed me miserably. But here is what the facility looks like.) Anywho- we go to the class and do circuit sorts of training which helps me stave of the ongoing boredom that is riding a stationary bike or staring at a wall/out a window while running on a treadmill.

Our circuits are things like:
>take this medicine ball and throw it to the ground as hard as you possibly can (this one is doubly awesome because it’s a good venter of stress)
>attach yourself to this big bungee cord and sprint to the end of the turf… then maintain yourself (by NOT falling over as I’ve done before) by running backwards as the bungee pulls you back
>do as many rows (kind of like an inverted push-up or pull up when you’re laying on the ground instead of standing) as you can and then do 3 more
>sprint to the end of the room and back then get into plank and hold it until the trainer tells you to get your lazy ass up and run again
>push a sled with weights on it while running as fast as you possibly can
>etc

Did I mention that I’m having a WONDERFUL time doing all of this crazy shit? I mean, I HURT after the first couple of classes but now am invigorated and wish I had enough dough to buy enough classes to go at least 4 times a week. Ah me…

I did, however, take a photo of my beer belly (at least that’s what I call it and have no kid excuse) before we started and will take another one after the HFC is done. At that point I may seriously contemplate posting the pics… I’ll be like a Al-fomercial. It’s bound to be awesome. I mean, surely Victoria’s Secret or Playboy or Cosmo will be flooding my voicemail and email with requests to be their front page gal. Right?

in honor of the LAST day of nablopomo, i’ve created a little meme. feel free to use this if you want for YOUR final post, if you haven’t written it already. after we did this last year, i said, “we are NOT doing that again. EVER.” but here we are, another month of nablopomo has come and gone and WE MADE IT. we posted EVERY SINGLE DAY in november.

here’s that meme…

fill in your favorite for each of the following:

1. Political show: thank god nablopomo is over!

2. Picnic food: did you hear? it’s the LAST day of nablopomo!

3. Mixed drink: yes, i’d LOVE one! nablopomo is finite!!!

4. U.S. President: holy cow! he did nablopomo, too? i bet he’s REALLY glad it’s over.

5. Kind of student to teach: any kid who can write a post every day for a month, that’s who.

6. Hobby you do or wish you still did: what are hobbies? i’ve been TOO BUSY BLOGGING.

7. Sports commentator: have really boring blogs. and they don’t do nablopomo.

8. Sport to watch on TV: what are sports? what is television? I’M STUCK IN TEH INTERWEBZ…

9. Animal to have as a pet: a fat cat to sit on your keyboard while you bang out 30 post in 30 days.

10. Halloween costume you have worn: i dressed up as nablopomo. no one got it.

11. Kind of dessert: have you heard? NABLOPOMO is over! and the girls at SHSNE MADE IT!

12. Comic strip: nablopomo is over!! tell your friends!

13. Ice cream flavor: any flavor without the words “NABLOPOMO” in the title.

14. News source: the nablopomo blogroll. hello!!!

15. Vacation spot: have i said i am SO GLAD nablopomo is over???

16. Wine: yes, i am whining. sorry. but november is FINALLY over.

17. Way to waste time instead of working: writing a blog post for nablopomo.

18. Reality show: nablopomo: when blogging goes bad…next on FOX!

19. Childrens movie: ding dong! nablopomo is dead! (at least for this month…)

20. Celebrity you wish would retire: NABLOPOMO!! RETIRED AT LAST for 2008!!!

So I open up my email this morning and see this little gem from my sister. I thought I’d share with all ya’ll because I need to up my post numbers. You know, add my two cents. Pull my own weight. etc. Feel free to steal it if’n you want. Also, feel free to mock me and my dislike for a holiday that no longer comes close to resembling it’s earlier intent. I guess that’s what happens when big corporations get their dirty little fingers into the mix.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? gift bags (they’re reusable…)

2. Real tree or Artificial? neither. I’d rather not have a tree at all

3. When do you put up the tree? see #2

4. When do you take the tree down? see #2

5. Do you like eggnog? depends on how much liquor is in it. Oh, and cinnamon and nutmeg. but gotta have booze

6. Favorite gift received as a child? my super suh-weet pink & gray 10-speed.

7. Hardest person to buy for? my bro-in-law

8. Easiest person to buy for? myself

9. Do you have a nativity scene? nope. Oh wait, I vaguely remember my dad gave me one some time ago. I think it’s in the garage. I won’t be getting it out.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? The Mail

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? something that I don’t really have a need for or desire for. This happens A LOT…

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer

13. When do you start shopping? Shopping? Never.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? yep. If I’m not going to use it I might as well give it to someone who will.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? cheese soup (an old family recipe)

16. Lights on the tree? how many fucking tree questions are there?

17. Favorite Christmas song? none… Bah Humbug!

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? I’d rather stay home but sometimes I get guilted into going back to UT

19. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer? Isn’t there some song about it?

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? see 16

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? neither. I really would rather NOT get gifts but I haven’t yet convinced the family to spend their money elsewhere…

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? the ads… the consumerism… the expectation that people MUST cater to every single desire of their loved ones…

23. Favorite ornament theme or color? I have a Darth Vader ornament that is AWESOME!

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? beer…

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? new boots… oh, wait. I already bought those. How in the world did I ever know what I wanted?

Dear Friends, Pals and Buddies,

We were wondering if you are on our blogroll? If you have a few minutes to take a look and see if you are there and if your link works we would appreciate it. If you happen to be missing we would like to apologize in advance.

Sincerely,

SHSNE Staff (I crack myself up each time I type the word staff. Like we get paid. HAHAHA. Although we would if more people clicked on our sidebar a#d#s#. HMMMMM.)

P.S. I would also like to hear any funny Thanksgiving stories you experienced yesterday. I am sure someone out there has a funny story.

P.S.S. (Not to be confused with PMS or SOS which could be almost used interchangeably.) I am totally counting this post for NaBloPoMo. I don’t care that it is lame.

P.S.S.S. I am possibly decorating for Christmas today.

Today is the day you can watch normal people go into a frenzy over socks. All you have to do is get up at an ungodly early hour (jess here…i’ll be commenting in BOLD. i’d like to point out that most anything before 9 a.m. is ungodly for bridge or me) and go shopping. In all of my life I have only shopped TWICE on this day. (paul and i LOVE to go!) I usually avoid the chaos and sleep in. One year my husband wanted me to buy something specific that was on a super sale. I told him to go himself. I hate Black Friday shopping THAT bad. (dudes. i love it. it’s the best thing EVER. it is THEE kickoff of the shopping superbowl that december has become!)

Last year I strolled into Home Depot at 1 p.m. (she had just woken up, in fact…) and strangely found what I was looking for. At 1 p.m. usually everything you would want is gone. The item was a specific cordless drill (don’t let her fool you - bridge LOVES power tools, btw…) for my husband for Christmas. Someone had moved it over by the other drills maybe thinking they could come back for it, or maybe they decided they wanted a different drill after all. On my way up to the register someone tried to take it out of my cart. I am not kidding. Imagine me pushing a cart to the register and someone reaching in my cart to take it out. They are lucky I didn’t smack them. Yelling at them at least got them to go away. Then I had four other people ask me where I found it. I am thankful I made it out of the store alive. (you should have answers prepared like, “wouldn’t YOU like to know where i found it,” or “hmmm…someone has been naughty this year…” or “if it was up your ass you woulda know it,” or my personal favorite, “your mom.”)

The first time I went shopping on Black Friday I had this lovely elderly lady run into me with her cart and then scream at me to get out of her f#@$ing way. I let go of my cart and just walked out of the store. I think I was in shock. Is anything REALLY worth the hassle? I wish I would have had a video camera. (you shoulda hit her with your purse on “accident.”)

Now you might wonder if I will go this year. I can tell you honestly that I don’t know yet. I am writing this post early and will look at the ads on Thursday. I guess if socks are on super sale I might be tempted. I probably should figure out what my kids want for Christmas first. (see you at the store, shopping crazies!)

screw that! the staff here at SHSNE would like to wish you a happy thanksgiving, filled with overeating, lots of drinking and football. and if you’re a vegetarian, have some tofurkey.

here’s what’s on the menu at my house today: (i’ll also be posting this over at no measurements…with recipes…so check back later, mmmmkay?)

oven roasted turkey
sweet potato casserole
garlic mashed potatoes
homestyle cream corn
some yet TBD green bean casserole made without nasty azz cream soup
homemade bread (i’ll post a recipe that i got from my friend bob…)
crudites with spinach or ranch dip (haven’t decided yet LOL)
spinach salad with almonds and craisins
cranberry mango relish (thanks, care!)
pumpkin pie
coconut cream pie
key lime bars
assorted sodas and juices
fresh brewed coffee
rocky mountain tap water with fresh cracked ice

today, i’ll be missing my sister, as she is going to stay at home this year. i love you, elana, and i hope i get to see you soon!

p.s. one last thing i’m thankful for: bridge and al. without them, this blog wouldn’t be possible.

there are so many things i am thankful for that it’s hard to sit down and write an ordinary post. obviously, i’m thankful for my family. for my friends. for my job in this time of economic instability. i know that everyone knows someone out there who is suffering. i’m thankful that there is food in my fridge and a roof over my head.

now that i’ve gotten the usual froo-froo thanks out of the way, i’d like to reflect today on the really shallow things i’m thankful for, with brief explanations why. they are really in no particular order. their hierarchical value could change on any given day with the added circumstances.

1. breakfast cereal. oh kelloggs. oh general mills. oh malt-o-meal. thank you. not only do you make my life simple, but i’m sure that sometimes my dentist thanks you, too. seriously, what did moms do before breakfast cereal? did they have to rise at 4 am, run out to the oat field, cut a few stalks of grain, stop by the barn, tug on bessie’s nether regions for milk and then come inside to greet the kids for breakfast?? i love to cook, but nothing says breakfast at our house like cereal and milk. for this, i thank you chex. i thank you marshmallow mateys. and last, but certainly not least, thank you honey comb.

2. google. how did i live without you? i know i have actually used an encyclopedia a couple of times in my lifetime, but it seems so…dreamlike. i almost can’t believe it was real.

3. toilet paper. i often take you for granted. today is your day to feel appreciated. i love your two-ply softness. except the kind at salt lake city international airport. i can’t help that the toilet paper purchasers there are really cheap assholios who don’t appreciate the finer things in life, like a comfortable wipe while traveling.

4. san diego chargers, denver broncos, buffalo bills, miami dolphins and new orleans saints. if it wasn’t for you four um, five (total edit there…i guess i can’t count) teams specifically, i’d be almost perfect every single week in pick ‘em football. thanks for keeping my feet on the ground and not letting my head get too big. if you guys actually knew how to WIN, i might be able to win first place in my leagues. we don’t want any men to think that girls might be better at picking football games than they are, so thanks for not letting that happen. shitheads.

5. maverik. you have decent coffee (and you have REAL HALF n HALF. this is SOOO kosher!). decent pastries. your diet mountain dew is usually mixed just right. especially you, richmond maverik. i love all the employees in your store and love seeing you in the morning even though i’m not a morning person. time to start giving me free hashbrown stix for being such a bad ass patron. thanks in advance.

6. bravo tv. without your influence over the past several years, i’m pretty sure i’d be a total homophobe. thanks for not letting that happen.

7. webpages designed for mobile web users. oh how i heart thee. you make my life awesome. it’s ok to browse the web while i’m in the bathroom, right?

8. prop 8. i’d like to thank you, prop 8, for opening a major discussion across all walks of life in the united states. i don’t think you realized how big you’d really be, but man were you huge. except for that little thing called the presidential election … OH! and the summer olympics, you will easily be one of the biggest stories of 2008. i’d like to thank people on both sides of the issue for remaining calm and rational. and i’d like to severely chastise those who used hate speech or violence to get their point across. i’m a hater of haters. i really can’t wait to see what happens next with all of this…

9. fall 2008. thank you, october and november for being a real fall season for us here in northern utah. the days have been sunny. the nights have been cool. it’s been a lovely fall season and i want to be on the record noting it as such.

10. burt’s bees lip balm. my lips thank you every single day.

i could go on and on. but i think you get the point. besides the OBVIOUS things, what are some of the things you are most thankful for? novocaine? hand lotion? tampons? madagascar? your DVR? pre-made pie crust? ksl.com classifieds?

i wish you a day of thanks. a day of happiness. i wish you a very very happy thanksgiving.