i said i’d post about the food fight i was in during my 9th grade year at good ole north cache junior high and so i’m making good on that promise.
the problem is that my memory is less than good, so bridge might be able to fill in some of the gaps much better than i can.
one of the things i do NOT remember is why i was eating school lunch in the first place. from a very early age, i learned to hate school lunch room food. the milk was always the wrong temperature (read: warm!!!) and the meat looked like it was part cardboard insulation. vegetables were just plain not part of my diet and the smell of the food? OMG. nasto!! the deal was sealed forever when i had take my turn scraping trays with daren jackson (let’s pretend that’s not his real name). i think that was in the 4th grade. it was one of the most disgusting things i had ever had to do in my life to date. the only thing that made it even halfway bearable was that daren was quite the little stud, even in the 4th grade. i remember that he and i figured out how to cheat on oregon trail and we laughed so hard about it that we got in trouble and couldn’t play oregon trail for a couple of days afterwards. what we did is put a negative sign in front of the money we wanted to spend when we were buying goods and it would put that much money INTO our account, instead of taking it out. we were some rich pioneers, i tell you what.
back to the eating lunch thang. it was just NOT COOL to each school lunch. but let’s quit figuring out why i was there: the fact remains that i was. i think it had something to do with the bridge having a big crush on a guy named andy. so there we were, having lunch. i wanted to see if you REALLY could flip mashed potatoes off the end of your spoon. so i tried it out. and then i think i tossed a handful of peas for good measure. god knows i sure as hell wasn’t going to be eating those peas. and i think that some dude called bridge a bad name (she knows what it was, but to spare her feelings, i’ll not mention it without her permission). then, it was on. full scale food fight.
dun dun DUNNNN… insert scary movie music.
until the janitor, fred, saw us. DOH! busted. he was seriously the lunch room hitler, but he dressed like he had just returned from a taping of the hit saturday night show “hee haw.” he had a big red nose and a horse face to boot. and i don’t know where he came from or what exactly he had seen, but i DO know i tried to blame it on the boys and get out trouble.
unsuccessfully.
turns out bridge and i, along with andy and his pal ryan, ended up washing the tables in the lunch room for a week. A WEEK! in the 9th grade!!! can you think of anything worse when you are 14 years old? oh the humiliation. no recess, no gabbing with gal pals, no passing notes, no staring at hot boys playing lightning in the boys gym.
the only good thing that came out of it is that i can say i was in a bona fide food fight and it’s a funny story to share. remind me to tell you about ending up in the vice-principal’s office my senior year in high school for something i wrote on a sophmore’s paper…
