Nov 23 2009
an open letter…
dear (insert name here),
i have had a lot of time to think lately about the day my earth stood still. and now that it has begun turning again at a very slow pace, i want you to realize that my earth would turn at a regular 24-hr a day pace if you would just walk away.
you see, this every week contact is annoying and frustrating and irksome and violates what little bit of inner sanctity i have managed to maintain through the last month. and yet, you refuse to take into account my feelings and need for sanity and assume that because you are being nice and loving and apologetic that i should forgive you immediately. well (insert name here) you are in for a bitter, bitter surprise. although you don’t, and i now assume never have, see me for the person i really am you should have expected what is coming up next for you and i.
when i decide to cut someone out of my life, i don’t do so lightly and have NEVER felt an ounce of guilt about my decision. i certainly won’t feel any now. in fact, i feel a weight has been lifted. i really wanted to cut you out before you scarred me for life but i thought some things might just be worth fighting for. and you know, it almost hurts more that i was so terribly wrong. that i was wrong about you, that i was wrong about me being with you, that i was wrong, period (i am a woman, you know and being wrong really pains us).
i am a stubborn, independent, intelligent woman who doesn’t often back down from a fight. after all, it’s only a couple of tearful nights or nervous days. but what are those things in the overall scheme of a lifetime. nothing. they are nothing when compared to the moment that you realize the consequences of your actions. they are nothing when you realized that the person that could have made your life worth living has walked out the door and you don’t know where she is. they are nothing when, on some future fateful day, you are shown pictures that can break even the toughest person’s heart. and they are definitely nothing when you realize that all of this is because of a choice that you made. a choice, it seems, you have made previously. it was a bad choice then and was certainly a bad choice now. and yet, nothing changed with you after the first time. or even the second time. and you know what (insert name here) that really tells me a lot about the sort of person you are.
it tells me that you only think you love people when in reality you lack the ability to truly love. because truly loving someone means accepting them for who they are, not who you think they should be. and if you continue to live your life in this manner, you will never find happiness. you will go from relationship to relationship to relationship. and you will end up a bitter old person who owns a business and thinks they have formed meaningful friendships with the patrons of the business when in fact, people are there for the product and image that you sell. they would frequent your business regardless of who greeted them at the door.
i apologize for this stream of consciousness letter but there are some things that don’t need serious organization. and there are so, so many other things that i’d like to say to you. but you’ve sucked all of the energy from me for the day. and so i will be done. for now.
~a
Stumble it!
SO GLAD we are not inserting “Grandy” into that (insert name here) category. Hope you feel better, or at least come back and tell us how it went.
Wow this could be written for my exact situation today. Honestly my exact situation. I maybe copy and mail it and just insert the name.. WOW Love it