there are so many things i am thankful for that it’s hard to sit down and write an ordinary post. obviously, i’m thankful for my family. for my friends. for my job in this time of economic instability. i know that everyone knows someone out there who is suffering. i’m thankful that there is food in my fridge and a roof over my head.
now that i’ve gotten the usual froo-froo thanks out of the way, i’d like to reflect today on the really shallow things i’m thankful for, with brief explanations why. they are really in no particular order. their hierarchical value could change on any given day with the added circumstances.
1. breakfast cereal. oh kelloggs. oh general mills. oh malt-o-meal. thank you. not only do you make my life simple, but i’m sure that sometimes my dentist thanks you, too. seriously, what did moms do before breakfast cereal? did they have to rise at 4 am, run out to the oat field, cut a few stalks of grain, stop by the barn, tug on bessie’s nether regions for milk and then come inside to greet the kids for breakfast?? i love to cook, but nothing says breakfast at our house like cereal and milk. for this, i thank you chex. i thank you marshmallow mateys. and last, but certainly not least, thank you honey comb.
2. google. how did i live without you? i know i have actually used an encyclopedia a couple of times in my lifetime, but it seems so…dreamlike. i almost can’t believe it was real.
3. toilet paper. i often take you for granted. today is your day to feel appreciated. i love your two-ply softness. except the kind at salt lake city international airport. i can’t help that the toilet paper purchasers there are really cheap assholios who don’t appreciate the finer things in life, like a comfortable wipe while traveling.
4. san diego chargers, denver broncos, buffalo bills, miami dolphins and new orleans saints. if it wasn’t for you four um, five (total edit there…i guess i can’t count) teams specifically, i’d be almost perfect every single week in pick ‘em football. thanks for keeping my feet on the ground and not letting my head get too big. if you guys actually knew how to WIN, i might be able to win first place in my leagues. we don’t want any men to think that girls might be better at picking football games than they are, so thanks for not letting that happen. shitheads.
5. maverik. you have decent coffee (and you have REAL HALF n HALF. this is SOOO kosher!). decent pastries. your diet mountain dew is usually mixed just right. especially you, richmond maverik. i love all the employees in your store and love seeing you in the morning even though i’m not a morning person. time to start giving me free hashbrown stix for being such a bad ass patron. thanks in advance.
6. bravo tv. without your influence over the past several years, i’m pretty sure i’d be a total homophobe. thanks for not letting that happen.
7. webpages designed for mobile web users. oh how i heart thee. you make my life awesome. it’s ok to browse the web while i’m in the bathroom, right?
8. prop 8. i’d like to thank you, prop 8, for opening a major discussion across all walks of life in the united states. i don’t think you realized how big you’d really be, but man were you huge. except for that little thing called the presidential election … OH! and the summer olympics, you will easily be one of the biggest stories of 2008. i’d like to thank people on both sides of the issue for remaining calm and rational. and i’d like to severely chastise those who used hate speech or violence to get their point across. i’m a hater of haters. i really can’t wait to see what happens next with all of this…
9. fall 2008. thank you, october and november for being a real fall season for us here in northern utah. the days have been sunny. the nights have been cool. it’s been a lovely fall season and i want to be on the record noting it as such.
10. burt’s bees lip balm. my lips thank you every single day.
i could go on and on. but i think you get the point. besides the OBVIOUS things, what are some of the things you are most thankful for? novocaine? hand lotion? tampons? madagascar? your DVR? pre-made pie crust? ksl.com classifieds
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i wish you a day of thanks. a day of happiness. i wish you a very very happy thanksgiving.
